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I happened to overhear a teacher and parent lecturing their ward about studies, life and how need to be in control of his life. If I were in the place of the ward, it would have sounded to me like I am an inmate in a jail and rule book is given to me as how to behave and live my life in the jail. I feel for the poor little kid. Are we living our lives like we are in some disciplined organization, where rule books are given telling us as how to be while on premises? Life is not such a serious game. Relax. We are here to experience and enjoy life, just going with the flow. Divine is not a task master but a loving parent and Universe is our best friend. Ignoring this basic truth, we push ourselves and people around us into control mode, criticizing people who are not following the instructions and fighting against the natural flow of life. We end up being stubborn and not heading to anything other than what we think is right. Is it a fair game that we are playing? When we ourselves are going against the natural flow of life, defeating the purpose of our life, is it any wonder our own immune system defeating our life by going against it? When this happens, we may end up having auto immune disorders in our body. One of the most common cases that came to me is that of rheumatoid arthritis (RA), other than Lupus and Psoriasis.
In my experience, RA affects women a lot more than men. All of my clients for this disorder were females. RA is an auto immune disorder, which causes pain and swelling (internal inflammation) in joints. It is such a painful disease that it cripples life style of the individual to a very large extent. The pain would be so very excruciating during winters than in summers. It doesn’t mean RA clients would enjoy summers without pain. The intensity of pain would be a little less during summers than in winters.
In all the cases I have come across so far, I could not help but notice resentment as a common theme. Clients usually strongly hold on to anger that is piled up over a period of time, unwilling to let go of it. Someone hurt me so badly that I cannot forgive him or her. Usually, it is about being controlled or criticized by someone. Most of these clients had a controlling environment while growing up. Mother, father or some authority figure at home were so controlling that these individuals were not allowed to move an inch without being told what or how to do things or without being criticized for doing things wrong way. Either they hold resentment for criticism they faced in their families or they turn into first class criticism experts or control freaks as they grow up. It is a good self defense technique, I criticize or control you before you even think of doing it to me.
Why do people control? I still remember a hitler-like figure I have seen as a small lad, my next door neighbor. He had such controlling tendency that he literally used to tell his grown up children which dress to wear any day! Wearing a dress to post graduation, everything should be done only his way. Attitude was it’s always my way and My way is the only high way. He constantly used to shout with rage at each and every one of his family for doing things any other way than that was ordered by him. What did he really try to control, his kids & family or his own life? Actually he was trying to control his own insecurities. Observe any individual who has extremes of anger or rage, he or she would be operating from fear and insecurity. Understanding this may help RA sufferers to let go of resentment towards such hitlers.
Most of us find ourselves wanting to control one aspect or other in lives. Some want to control course of life, some want to control other people, some want to control their thoughts, feelings or emotions. Some types of control does not feel like control on the face of it but there is an element of control underneath. For example, unreasonably high expectations from others! Have you observed highly accomplished parents and their kids? Or parents who have very high expectations from their kids, “I cannot bear to see you doing anything less than the best”. The child feels controlled by this spoken or unspoken expectation. I had a RA client who is cleanliness freak, even this is need for control. But let us focus only on obvious control we see around us.
Why do any of us have a need for control? Because we don’t have faith in the flow of life, we feel very insecure when we are in auto control mode and our lives are being operating by Universe. Just imagine you get onto a flight and it is announced that it is pilotless, will be operated by auto pilot. How does it make you feel? We don’t trust even if the best of the software is provided. Say, if pilot is available and the flight is on auto pilot mode, we feel safer. We got used to doing things our way. We believe in ourselves but stopped believing in the Universe, because we were never taught to believe in the Source. Secondly, having no faith or less faith around the people we deal with. It is fear that other people cannot do things right and everything may just end up in a mess. Having no faith in others around us reflects the amount of faith we have in ourselves. In fact, because we don’t have faith in ourselves, we don’t believe in others. Have you heard about Pygmalion theory?
Let’s take an example. Imagine standing at a cross roads and looking to the farthest end. Our vision can help us look at objects which are say 2kms away, not more than that. Say if we take a chopper and go to 10,000 feet high, we may see the entire city. Agreed? What if we are the Universe? Is there something that can miss from our awareness? Nothing. Everything is captured in our awareness. If we reflect, whatever amount of controlling we do, we can see or know only to an extent of 2kms nothing more than that. Universe is an intelligent energy that is full awareness. And Universe is our best friend, ready to help us. When we ask Universe to handle, initially, few things may appear as if they are going wrong, but when we go with the flow and give it enough time, it will turn out for our highest best. I like what Amir Khan says in 'Three Idiots', 'All is Well'. It is a very wise mantra, nothing idiotic about it. So I tell most of my RA clients, step back and just observe what is happening, you don't have to get involved and control.
One of the best traits RA clients have is, they are best of the critics, either about themselves or people around them. Put them through awards for best critic category, they will take one. What we don't realize is, while we may appear to judge others, we are judging ourselves the harshest. What is it that we are trying to criticize within our own Self? A very strong conditioning of right and wrong from childhood would certainly lead to criticism. Obviously we all want to be only on the right side. But what is so very right and wrong about life? Right for us can be wrong for someone else and vice versa. We have just come here to play this game of life with the divine within us as a witness. Don't take life too serious, go with the flow. Accept the fact that you are good the way you are and there is nothing to change within you or wrong with your life. You will be able to let go of resentment, control, criticism and stubbornness. Allow life to flow through you, any auto immune disorder will be gone within no time.
Medical Disclaimer: This article is speaking only at a high level emotional issues. This deals only with some of the emotional causes and doesn't dwell deep into physical aspects or reasons for RA problems. Please consult your Orthopedic specialist or GP for your issues. This is no replacement to medical assistance. The above discussed are just the experiences and opinions of the author.
-Ramakrishna Maguluri
Engaging with life
ELAI
engagingwithlife@yahoo.com
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