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Lack of Parent-Child Time

  Lack of Parent-Child Time   Parents usually worry about not being able to spend more time with their children once the school schedule starts at home. Until then, Mom might complain daily that she is hardly getting a ME ONLY time..everything changes once the child starts going to preschool and there is no other child left at home. At this stage, most Moms too find a job for themselves, and then starts the worry..'Am i spending enough time with my child?', 'is my child feeling the change?', 'is my child feeling neglected?', 'would that affect his/her development?' and all such questions. Well, these feelings will only prove that 'you haven't changed', that 'your children are still your priority'. Research says that children's development isn't related to the quantity of time spent with their parents, but it is the quality of time that really counts. Society and the trend had been changing from over a decade and is not just the Dad, but Mom too works. It is very rare to see a family where Mom commits to be a Stay Home Mom forever.  Such families are blessed..and blessed are even those families where Moms are encouraged by others to step out and achieve their dreams..however, Moms and Dads would still bother about their children. Due to the busy schedules, we maynot be able to spend as much time everyday as during the weekends or holidays...just make sure you have dinners together. Family bonding is miraculous and healing. If you are lucky, make sure to spend few more minutes relaxing with the family, 'WITHOUT THE TV'., 'DISCUSSING ONLY THE GOOD MATTERS'. Start your day with a target to reach home early and spend some more moments with your kids. Let that thought be a bulls eye to hit, everyday. Weekends should be family oriented. I know you can't escape extra work if it knocks at your desk, but try if you can compensate with a trip to the park or a lunch/dinner date with the kids at at healtheir restaurant. Cooking together with kids is a great experience...but remember to 'HAVE PATIENCE' as kids are kids, they might forget their rules of cleanliness and play with food...let it not be a fired up are the parent, so keep your cool and either deal with the kids or divert them to a playroom. Because you are worried about the quality time you spend with your children, you are definitely going to do your best to make it a happy family where kids are the happiest. Have fun !! --Pratyusha

Parent's Touch, a Therapy

  Parent's Touch, a Therapy The Parent's Touch is the first confirmation signal a child receives promising the baby that absolute love and wholesome care soon after stepping into this word. The sense of touch, is the first of the five senses developed right when in utero. When Mom touches her belly, the child feels the warmth. This parent-child interaction without words is priceless. It teaches the child that Mom will take care of him/her in this strange world. It proves to the child that parents love their children immensely and nurtures that confidence to learn to live. However, the vagus nerve which conveys 'sensory' information to the brain is still not developed even after birth. Parents' touch helps stimulate this nerve growth, useful for a healthy brain functioning in the future. Studies show that infant who received regular body massages developed this nerve faster than babies who ddnt receive special body massages and were only touched by parents during diaper changes and baths. What more does massaging is all about touch..massaging has other benefits like improving blood circulation, enhancing the function of immune system, and ease bloating, gas, colic and congestion. It helps the body to relax which is why massaging spas exist for adults. Massaging helps babies to calm down and relax, it helps parents to easily put babies to sleep and stay asleep longer. Touch therapy has helped bring back many 'at-risk' babies to life. There have been quite a good number of articles on this, waking up a baby to life from a coma stage etc. Touch therapy is used by many pediatric orthopeditians and physio therapists who deal with neurologically challenged babies, they use it to stimulate nerve growth. The Deaf and Blind schools and carecenters use this Touch therapy to help calm down and even educate kids. At the University of Miami, USA, Doctors use Touch therapy to boost the health of babies in neonatal ICU. Kangaroo Care is one such, they use it in hospitals across America and other places. If the parents ask, Doctors offer to bring a just-born to the Mom, and allow the child to bond instantly..during this time the child is not drapped in clothes. Touch therapy is not involving a therapist or a Doctor to massage babies, they ask the parents to touch and massage babies, targeting the parent-child relationship positively for the wellbeing of the child. This nurturing touch enriches emotional, social, psychological, physiological connections of both child and parents. When a parent starts the massage, the child forgets everything and begins to watch mom/dad. The parent gets engaged in watching the child's cues, responses, pleasant moods etc., it is a techinique that helps and teaches parents to handle babies, soothe them, comfort them...which makes it easy to handle kids without anyones help in the future. It is an excellent tool to help parents get closer to their babies. Its all in your hands !! --Pratyusha

Ego wall....

  Ego wall... For some couple Parenting is so joyful journey where they learn many things from kids,but  for some it becomes taxing life. Why? what  is the cause for this exact opposite feel? To be frank there is one and only single word, which makes a lot of difference and its called " EGO" Normally people think ego clash will come with either same age or elder people,but the reality is parents do face this ego issue even with their own children. * We ave seen life,learn from our mistakes * I think i am elder to you and i dont need to learn from u * Decision making comes with age and that age is on y side Such statements often come from parents. They are often called disciplinarian parents.its a one way communication when it comes to this type of parenting. They want their children to learn from their own life. Which is a very wrong way of seeing things. Children that too this generation children have a thought of their own, they want to experiment with life, learn from their own mistakes,and be their own boss. Even though leaving them to their fate is not the point here,parents should understand that these children are more exposed to life than these parents are in their child hood. So giving them a chance to experiment with life to an extent where its not injurious to their health is always recommended. Parents should not bring their EGO in between, they should accept few things as they come. They should also not bring their EGO and be silent when these same children come for advice when in problem. Parents should try and break the Ego Wall which separates them from children. If we as parents cant come out of our Ego and talk truth with our kids, how can we expect them to come clean with facts. Treating children as friends is nothing but over powering EGO Happy Parenting --Pushpa

Being Human

  Being Human Parents usually face a challenge to train their children in practising restraint,holding back rage and being soft and sensitive with people around (including parents). But what they fail to understand is children are not there to be TRAINED like animals. They have a thought of their own, they have their own feelings,and emotions,which can never be trained to be some thing else. Now the question is,if they are not to be trained, should they be left alone to learn and be human to people around on their own?How is this possible?? Yes it is possible if parents stay human, and sensitive with their children in particular and the society as a whole.Because children ape their parents,and step exactly on their foot steps. For example,if a mother goes on cursing people around from servant maid to mother in law,either in person or in their absence,what will a child learn? If a father tries to demean people around from some one like a driver to a relative to his own wife at home,then how will a child seeing him, grow into a sensitive individual ?? Now i think you have the answer . Yes if at all we as parents are well behaved our children will follow suite. If we are Human then they too will be. If we as parents are more sensitive to them and the people around,then children too will unknowingly follow us. If you think this is training...then the training has to be  to parents than children. Most of the people say Parenting is a tough and thankless job.If parenting is supposed to be a tough job,it can be made easy with a little thought and understanding. But if you think its thank less...then re think about the question itself...Happy Parenting in a Happy New Year. --Pushpa

Are your kids eating right

  Are your kids eating right?? We often find that parents get stressed out to make their children eat right things and in right time. Bearing the strict schedules Children often question parents or rather to be precise their mother as to why should they maintain regular timings and proper food pattern? why cant they jump the rule? Poor moms find it hard to reply this question to children's content.   On average, we eat 4-6 times each day – including snacks - with almost one third of food being eaten outside of the home. This trend of ‘eating on the go’ is predicted to grow. It can often be difficult to find well balanced meals or snacks when out and about - you are more likely to eat a balanced meal when you are in control of what, and how much, you put on your plate. Lets  see if we can help those moms  with some tips to convince them.   * Eating habits always helps in regularizing the digestion process   * Regular pattern will control over eating, coz your tummy knows the time cry hunger * Eating right things at right time will enhance the absorption of energy into our system   for Eg: if we eat too much sugars or oily food at nights they  tend to pile up as fat, as our body tends to be more lazy at nights. But the same sugars or oil will help in getting energy for the days work if we eat it in the morning coz our body will be mobile the whole day.   Now some suggestions to Moms too..   * Quit the "clean-plate club." Let kids stop eating when they feel they've had enough. Lots of parents grew up under the clean-plate rule, but that approach doesn't help kids listen to their own bodies when they feel full. When kids notice and respond to feelings of fullness, they're less likely to overeat. * Start them young. Food preferences are developed early in life, so offer variety. Likes and dislikes begin forming even when kids are babies. You may need to serve a new food a few different times for a child to accept it. Don't force a child to eat, but offer a few bites. With older kids, ask them to try one bite. * Rewrite the kids' menu.  Who says kids only want to eat hot dogs, pizza, burgers, and macaroni and cheese? When eating out, let your kids try new foods and they might surprise you with their willingness to experiment. You can start by letting them try a little of whatever you ordered or ordering an appetizer for them to try. * Drink calories count. Soda and other sweetened drinks add extra calories and get in the way of good nutrition. Water and milk are the best drinks for kids. Juice is fine when it's 100%, but kids don't need much of it — 4 to 6 ounces a day is enough for preschoolers. * Put sweets in their place. Occasional sweets are fine, but don't turn dessert into the main reason for eating dinner. When dessert is the prize for eating dinner, kids naturally place more value on the cupcake than the broccoli. Try to stay neutral about foods. * Food is not love Find better ways to say "I love you." When foods are used to reward kids and show affection, they may start using food to cope with stress or other emotions. Offer hugs, praise, and attention instead of food treats. And last but not the least…   * Kids do as you do. Be a role model and eat healthy yourself. When trying to teach good eating habits, try to set the best example possible. Choose nutritious snacks, eat at the table, and don't skip meals. --Pushpa

పిల్లల నుంచి నేర్చుకోవడానికి మీరు రెడీయేనా

  పిల్లల నుంచి నేర్చుకోవడానికి మీరు రెడీయేనా ?? "పిల్లల మంచి కోరి, పెద్దలు తమ అనుభవం మీద కొన్ని విషయాలు చెప్తారు, వాటిని పిల్లలు నేర్చుకోవాలి " ఇది మనం ఎప్పటినుంచో వింటున్న మాట. కానీ ఇప్పటి తరానికి  అందులోనూ యుక్త వయస్సులో ఉన్నవారికి అది ఎంతవరకు పనిచేస్తుందో చెప్పలేం. ఎందుకంటే " పెద్ద వారి మాట వినమంటున్నారు సరే తప్పకుండ వింటాం, అలాగే వాళ్ళు మా మాట కూడా అప్పుడప్పుడు వినాలిగా ?అని ఇప్పటి తరం పిల్లలు అడుగుతున్నారు. దీనికి సమాధానం ఏది ? " మీకు అనుభవం లేదు మేం అనుభవమ్మీద  చెప్తున్నామ్", అనేస్తారు కానీ వారి అనుభవం ఎలాంటి పరిస్తితిలో వచ్చింది ? అదే పరిస్థితులు ఇప్పుడు ఉన్నాయా ? అని ఆలోచిస్తే లేవు. ఒక 20 యేళ్ళ క్రితం ఉన్న పరిస్థితుల్లో ఒక్కటన్న ఇప్పుడు ఉందా? ఉద్యోగాల్లో, ఇంట్లో, సమాజంలో ఎన్ని మార్పులు వచ్చేశాయి. మరి వాటి ప్రకారం పెద్దవారు తమని తాము మలచుకున్నారా? అలా ఒకవేళ మారి ఉంటే తరాల మధ్య తలెత్తుతున్న ఈ అంతరాలు వచ్చేవే కాదట. మిగతా బంధాలలో ఎలా ఉన్నా తలితండ్రుల్లో ఇది ఇంకొంచెం పెద్ద ప్రాబ్లంగా ఉంటుందట. ఎందుకంటే, పిల్లల జీవితాలని శాసించే అదికారం ఉందని అనుకోవడం వారికి పరిపాటి కాబట్టి. అందుకే "ఇది చేయండి అది చేయద్దు" అని చెప్పేస్తుంటారు పిల్లలకి. అలా మీరు చెప్పినట్టు  చేస్తే పని కాదు అని ఒక వేళ పిల్లలు చెప్తే ఆ విషయంలో కూడా ఎంతో కొంత నిజం ఉందేమో అని పెద్దవారు ఆలోచించొచ్చుగా? కుదరదు, ఎందుకంటే "పిల్లలకి అనుభవం ఉండదు" ,"మాకు ఎలాగూ చేతులు కాలాయి మీరు ఎందుకు కాల్చుకోవడం" లాంటి మాటలు పుట్టుకొస్తాయి. ఒక సమస్యని పెద్ద వాళ్ళు అప్పటి పరిస్థితి ప్రకారం పరిష్కరిస్తే అదే పద్ధతి ఇప్పటి పరిస్థితికి వర్తిస్తుందా? అంటే అన్నిసార్లు వర్తించదు అని పిల్లలు గోల పెడతారు. అలాంటప్పుడే యుక్త వయస్సులో పిల్లల మాటలు పెద్దవాళ్ళు వినాల్సిన అవసరం వస్తుంది. కానీ వారిదారికి అలాంటప్పుడే అంతర్యుద్ధం మొదలౌతుంది" ఈ పిల్లలు చెప్పిన మాటలు మేం వినాలా? అని" ఏం ?ఎందుకు వినకూడదు? ఇప్పటితరం పిల్లలు సమస్యల మధ్యే పుడుతున్నారు, సమస్యలతో పెరుగుతున్నారు, అలాంటప్పుడు సమస్యని ఎదుర్కోవడంలో వారికి ఉన్న శక్తి పెద్దవారికన్నా ఎక్కువేగా? వారి మాట కొట్టిపారెసే ముందు ఈ ఒక్కసారికి వింటే పోలే అని కాస్త ఆలోచించచ్చుగా. అసలు సమస్య ఏంటంటే పెద్ద వారికి ఇలా చిన్న వారి మాట వినడం లో "అహం "అడ్డు వస్తుంది. మేం పెద్దవాళ్లం అనే అహం, పిల్లల మాట వినాలా? వారి దేగ్గర నేర్చుకోవాలా? అంతకన్నా చిన్నతనం ఉంటుందా ? అన్న అహం. అందుకే ఆ అహం వల్లే ఒకవేళ చిన్నవారు చేస్తున్నది కరెక్ట్ అని తెలిసినా ఒప్పుకోరు. అన్నిసార్లు పిల్లలు కరెక్ట్ కాకపోవచ్చు, పడనివ్వండి.. నేర్చుకొనివ్వండి. అప్పుడు మీరు చెప్పే మాట విలువ వారికి తెలుస్తుంది. మీరు వారి మీద ఉంచే నమ్మకమే వారిని ఆలోచించి మంచి నిర్ణయం తీసుకునేలా చేస్తుంది. మీరే నమ్మకపోతే రేపు ప్రపంచాన్ని ఎలా నమ్మించగలరు వాళ్ళు .? పిల్లల్ని పెంచడం అంటే ఎప్పుడు వారి చేయి పట్టి నడిపించడం కాదు, పడకుండా సంభాళించుకునే నడిచే పద్ధతి నేర్పించడం. మీరు పిల్లల మాట కాస్త వింటే వారి ఆలోచనతో మీరు ఉన్నారని వారికి అనిపిస్తే అప్పుడే వారు ప్రపంచంలో ఎక్కడ ఉన్నా మీ మాట మీదే నడుస్తారు. --Pushpa

Good touch and bad touch

  Good Touch and Bad Touch   19th November of every year is observed as “World Day for Prevension of Child Sexual Abuse" On this day, let's talk on how parents can explain their children about Good touch and Bad touch. Every child must be taught that their bodies belong to them and that they can reserve certain parts as ‘Private.’ Even it’s something like holding hands with someone from known or unknown circle or having a friendly hug or kissing them, they must know that they have the right to say NO, if they don’t like it.” When kids are growing, spend time with them as much as you can. When they are small, give them bath on regular basis. Tell them the correct names for their anatomy.  It really helps them to have that knowledge in case they ever need to talk to mothers/ fathers about anything. Opening up a strong communication channel between parents and child is so very important. Explain your kids about “ Good touch and Bad touch”. if someone is touching them in a way they don’t like, the tell that person to “Stop” … then parents should give confidence to kids by saying “come to me/ tell me about it”. Keeping the lines of communication open can help child to be confident about self and it develops comfort zone in them about their private areas which is of UTMOST importance now. every individual should be taught to respect their own body first and it has to start right from childhood.   Taking help of books, reading stories explaining human anatomy and constantly telling about private parts of every individual can give knowledge to kids. Also empower kids to say “NO” when any one is touching or asking to show their private parts. Never stop a child's expression about people around. We should not be forcing children to move around with people who they don't like to have around. Try to go deeper and listen to child on the reason of avoiding certain people. Though we can not define “Good touch” and “Bad touch”, what ever comforts child is good touch and dislikes and disturbs the child is a bad one. As parent, try to simplify things when it comes to kids and tell them that you are there for them come what may.... --Bhavana

The Dreaded word called PARENTING

  The Dreaded word called PARENTING Off late we have seen young couple postponing the arrival of child into their life, thinking they are not yet ready for "Parenting". In some parts of the world couples are allowed to become parents only after a certain amount of training in "Parenting"This all boils down to one point ,is parenting that hard?? can it be taught ?? Lets take one after the other 1) Is parenting that hard?? Ya, indeed parenting is hard if you feel its a job,yes its hard if you want to take short cuts to parenting,and yes it is hard if you strain yourself in parenting a child. We have to understand that parenting is nothing big, its just, we behaving well with all those around us,being genuine in our thoughts. And not doing anything which we don't like seeing our children do. Eg: Telling lies, bitching around, booze n puffs etc, it as simple as that. If you don't want your child to shout on you, you stop shouting on them or any one around for that matter.If you want your child be upright you be upright first. Be a role model to your child. But in being a role model please dont enact being one, just BE one, coz every child even at the youngest of age knows what is the real behavior and   what is enacted. So be a person what you want your child to be, that's it. 2) Can it be taught?? Yes, to some extent Parenting can be taught. In joint families we used to have elderly people who used to give guidance in such matters. But for the young  the couples now they don't have this luxury.And more over they think that any idea coming from older generations is just old junk thought. So the need of teaching by parenting by professionals arises. But this can be done only till giving advice,acting part has to be done by parents themselves. As we all know,theory and practice are two different things altogether. Finally everyone should understand that Parenting is not a herculean task, take it easy,just chill. You behave correctly and they will follow you on your foot steps. Happy Parenting!!! --Pushpa

తల్లులు... మీ పిల్లల పసితనం ఆచూకీ ఏమన్నా తెలుసా మీకు

తల్లులు... మీ పిల్లల పసితనం ఆచూకీ ఏమన్నా తెలుసా మీకు ?? టైమ్  అయిన్ధి లేస్తావా? ...స్నానం చేశావా? తొందరగా తిను...కానీ బయల్దేరు ...హోం వర్క్ అయింధా ? లేట్ ఔతోంది పడుకో !! ఈ మాటలు ఎక్కడో  విన్నట్టు.. కాధు రోజు అన్నట్టు ఏమన్నా అనిపిస్తోంధా?? ఏ అమ్మ డిక్షనరీ లో ఐనా  మొదటి పజీలో ఉండే పదాలు. వీటి అర్ధం అందరింట్లో ఒక్కటే,పిల్లలు టైమ్ కి అన్నీ చేయాలని. క్రమశిక్షణ గా ఉండాలని ,మంచి పిల్లలు అనిపించుకోవాలని . అన్నీ టైమ్  ప్రకారం చేస్తున్నారు సరే మరి ఎప్పుడైనా టైమ్ ఆఫ్ ఇవ్వాలిగా ?? అది ఎక్కడ ?? ,మీతో మాట్లాడాలని ఉన్న,ఆట్లాడాలని ఉన్న , చివరికి పోట్లాడాలని ఉన్న వారికి మీరిచ్చిన టైమ్ టేబల్ లో సమయం ఎక్కడ కేటాయించారు ?? సాయంత్రం అయ్యేసరికి గుజ్జన గుళ్ళు కట్టుకుని ఆడుకునే  చిన్నతనం ఈ స్కూల్ టైమ్ ల వల్ల ఎప్పుడో మాయం అయిపోయింది. మరి మిగిలిన ఆ కాస్త పసితనాన్ని మీరు మాయం చేస్తున్నారనిపింఛట్లేదా ?? అసలు  తల్లులతో వచ్చిన పెద్ద చిక్కే ఇధి ,అన్నీ టైమ్ ప్రకారం సరిగ్గా జరగాలంటారు. ఒకవేళ జరక్క పోతే అందరూ  మళ్ళీ తమనే తిడతారని, తప్పు పడతారని వారి భయం. నిజమే, పిల్లలు వల్ల ఏం తప్పు జరిగిన మొదట తప్పుపట్టేధి తల్లినే . కానీ ఇలా ఎన్నాళ్లు పక్కవారికోసం చుట్టాలని త్ర్హుప్తి పరచడం కోసం మీ పిల్లల టైమ్ టేబల్ ఫిక్స్ చేస్తారు ?? పసితనం అసలే చిన్నధైపోయి, చిన్నప్పుడే పెద్దవాళ్ళైపోతున్న ఇప్పటి పిల్లలకి తిరిగి చూసుకుంటే పసితనపు గుర్తులేవీ. అందుకే ఎప్పుడూ కాకపోయిన ఎప్పుడో ఒకసారి వారిని రొటీన్ లోనుంచి బయటపడనియ్యండి. మెల్లిగా లేవనివ్వండి, హాయిగా ఆడుకొనివ్వండి, స్కూల్ కి డుమ్మా కొట్టి మీరే సినిమాకి తీసుకెళ్ళండి.. (అప్పుడు మీకు చెప్పకుండా డుమ్మా కొట్టే పనే ఉండధు )పగలకొట్టనివ్వండి, పాడు చెయ్యనియ్యండి . వద్దు అనే ముందు ఎందుకు వద్దో వివరించండి. ఒకవేళ వారు మీ వాదన కాదని వారి మాట చెప్తే, అందులో నిజం ఉంటే, వారి ఆలోచనకి విలువ ఇవ్వండి. అప్పుడు పెద్దయ్యక  కూడా ఈ సంభాషించుకునే ప్రక్రియ కొనసాగుతుంది. లేకపోతే చిన్నప్పుడు మీరు చెప్పింది వింటారు పెద్దయ్యాక వాల్లమాటే నేగ్గెల చేసుకుంటారు. పసితనం మహా అయితే ఒక నాలుగైదేళ్లు ఉంటుంది, వారి జీవితంలోని ఆ కాస్త సమయం వారికిచ్చేయ్యండి ప్లీజ్. మంచి చెడు చెప్పండి, మంచెదో చెడేదో మీరే డిసైడ్ చేసేయకండి. తల్లులకె నా ఇది? తండ్రులకి ఈ మాట వర్తించాదా? అంటే వర్తించదు,.ఎంధుకంటే పిల్లలతో ఎక్కువ కాలం ఉండేడి, వారి జీవితాన్నిగమనాన్ని  నిర్ధారించేది తల్లే కాబట్టి. కనుక ".మా బంగారు తల్లులు... దయచేసి మీ పిల్లల పసితనం ఆచూకీ వారికి చూపించండి "...బాల దినోత్సవ శుభాకాంక్షలు. --Pushpa

Mothering like Durga maa

  Mothering like Durga maa   Navaratri is such a special occasion to worship goddess Durga in various forms. She being the mother of the human kind knows what is good and what is bad for us. The 9 different avataras of Maa Durga tell us women the meaning of motherhood in many ways *Sailaputri -Daughter of the Himālayas tells us that how ever great we are we should feel the responsibility to manage our children's lives *Brahmacharini -One who observes the state of  penance, tells us that whatever we do as a mother to our children should be nothing less than a penance with all due dedication * Chandraghanta - One who bears the moon in her necklace. Tells us to have a calm and cool attitude  to manage children's erratic behavior  *Kusmanda -the mother of the universe, tells us that even though we are strict to some extent, we should deal with every single problem of our children with a  motherly attitude with all love and concern *Skanda-Mata -The mother of Skanda, Kārttikeya. Tells us that we should raise our children so well that we should be recognized by our children's name not vise versa *Katyayani -The daughter of sage Kātyāyana tells us that what all we are today as a mother is the result of being some one else's daughter so better pass it on to our children *Kalaratri -black as night, destroyer of Kālī. tells us to destroy any vice which comes near our children and keep them safe. *Mahagauri -the wife of Lord Shiva, doing great penance, tells us that how ever busy we are with our children, husband should never become a second priority *Siddhidatri -Provider of Siddhis, giver of mystic powers, tells us that we should empower our children to face the society Navaratri on the whole gives us the essence of Motherhood and parenting. Its our turn to learn it the right way. Happy Dasera!!! --Bhavana

Neither be Aggressive nor Easy Going

  Neither be Aggressive nor Easy Going   Veena has been suffering from severe ill health since last two weeks and going around doctors and clinics for various tests. When ever she goes out,  if there is any delay in reaching back home, her only worry is what if her 6 year old son misses his daily tuition,  tennis class on Monday, western dance class on Wednesday, keyboard class and abacus classes on rest of the days of week, so on and so forth.... During these days when she couldn't reach home on time, she used to alert her neighbours, friends, co-parents and who not just to ensure that her son reaches the said classes without fail. According to Veena, her son should not waste  even a single day and always increase his learning capacity On the other hand Shanthi, mother of 7 years old boy is so chillax type and not worried whether his son is done with homework or interested in any extracurricular activity or is there any place where he can spend some quality time.. According to Shanthi, he is too small to put in any place. “These two cases are so extreme and differ from each other but neither of the attitude is recommendable” say experts. When kids are small, parents possess lot of trail and error approach by putting them in various activities which will confuse kids and eventually they fail to deliver to the best. Instead, understanding their strengths and weaknesses and proceeding accordingly should be the outlook. When parents do not take initiative steps in finding out the activities which matches child's interests then children will be clueless on building his/her future. On the other hand, children don’t even understand the reason why he/she is unable to venture in to different things on par with his/her peer group.  Parents being too much aggressive may effect child's creativity; similarly, having a laid back or easy going  attitude of parents also will kill the enthusiasm in child. Rather, Striking the balance between these two and knowing child's interests, understanding their capacity, helping kids to set their goals and extending support to achieve them should be the approach of every parent. ----- Bhavana

Listen To Your Child

   Listen To Your Child Communication is all about listening and talking, and this is the key to a healthy connection between patents and children. But parenting is tough work and maintaining a good connection with teens can be challenging, especially when parents are dealing with many other pressures. However parents have to prioritize things and attend kid's needs and concerns. This is all possible when parents know about their children thoroughly. Communication will help a lot to understand your kid. But kids, particularly teenagers wont be open with parents rather parents have to be proactive in establishing strong communication with chilhdren and open up a channel to reach out child's heart. Listening to kids is first step to perfect communication. Here are few tips elp you to lay a path in this direction: Find a time when your kids are most likely to talk, for example, at bedtime, before dinner or in the car when travelling together and make sure that you are available for them. Initiate the conversation, because it lets' your Kids know that you care about what's happening in their lives. At the same time don't be curious, rather build the confidence so that children prefer to share their feelings with you. Find time on weekly basis for a one-on-one activity with each child and that's a fixed date with your child only. Avoid scheduling all other activities during that time.Also, learn about your children's interests as they keep on changing — for example, favorite music, frienfs and activities and show interest in them. Initiate conversations by sharing what you have been thinking about rather than beginning a conversation with a question. When you are listening to them always respond instead of reacting.Never put down their opinions rather try to understand their perceptions. Focus on your child's feelings and be patient while listening to them rather than pumping out your own thoughts during your conversation. Happy parenting!!! ...Bhavana

Let Your Child Be Aware Of Your Finances

  Let Your Child Be Aware Of Your Finances As parents, we always want to give the best to our kids. In this process we wouldn't mind loosing all the energy we have but love to see our kids become strengthened in life by all means. In the process of parenting, we try to keep few things away from kids; Financial condition is one such area, every parents wants to free their child from.. In many families, children are not aware of the financial situation of the family, therefore this could become a disconnect between child's demands and parent's deliverable capacity. When kids are small, parents assume that this is too early to share finance related matters with child because they can't understand. For example, if a 10 years child ask for a gadget which is beyond parent' s pocket, instead of explaining the conditions, parents try to fulfill the needs, so will end up with overheads. That point of time, every parent thinks that the pleasure child gets having that gadget in the hand is in much more higher plane than the pain they have to undergo. Since child doesn't know all theses things, yes he will be jumping in joy and his desires will go on increasing as time goes.. When the same child becomes a teenager, they don't want to hear any “no” from parents not just because of their age but also that they were never prepared to take “no”. At that time, even though your financial condition is pinching, you still won't be able to discuss this with child rather find alternate options to get what your child wants.In these two scenarios or many like this, kids never get an opportunity to know what's happening behind the screen and goes on assuming that every thing is all right. Nevertheless, once your kid grows up, and situation demands you to reveal the actuals, they won't be in a position to accept, at the same time they might as well feel awkward that you have kept them dark in all these years... According to the experts, parents can always be transparent with child in all the financial matters and its absolutely OK to discuss your family “balance sheet” with your child. This helps child to manage his/her expenses very well.Very important thing any parent has to remember is being in bad financial state is not a sin. Its a life situation every human being might face one day or the other. When you prepare your child for such upcoming battles of life they will be much bold and handle situations with confidence and courage. ....Bhavana

Few Parenting Tips From Ganesha Story

    Few Parenting Tips From Ganesha Story (vinayaka chavithi special)   Vinayakachavithi , the birthday celebrations of Lord Ganesha are just round the corner and every home, street, city and whole country is planning to celebrate this festival in a grand way. Ganesh Chaturthi is a fun filled one for elders and bring loads of joy and happiness to kids too.. Indeed, this is the festival celebrated inside homes, on streets, shops , anywhere and everywhere. since Lord Vinayaka is also called “Vighnavinashanaaya”, destroyer of all the obstacles, we feel secured and confident about a promising future when he is with us and blessing us during these nine days of celebrations. People sing, dance and play various games during these 9 days and Lord Ganesha gives us an opportunity to become “event manager” to the fullest. If you could connect with Ganesha's story  deeply , there are so many things that all of us can learn. Today, let me talk about Parenting technics from the “Vinayaka jananam”, birth of Lord Ganesha. 1. Ganesha's mother Parvathi Devi created him using her powers but Lord Shiva was not aware of this boy and when he saw a child in his territory, who stopped him entering in to his house, he could not take it but ended the boy's life. In this whole scenario, when Father comes to know about this boy made by his better half he feels bad about his mistake but he never questions his wife about child's existence. Learning point:  when there is any issue with kids or related to child' s life, parents should never ever blame each other but take the ownership and think about child's future. Need of the hour to be addressed instead of raising argument. 2. When, Lord Shiva tells his assistants to bring the head of the first beast they see, they find elephant and bring its head. The same will become face of Lord Ganesha.  According to our Hindu mythology , Elephant face is so very devine and best form to concentrate while on meditation. Learning point: when father does some thing for kids don't go on questioning, vice versa when mother does some thing for her children. Instead, believe that, they are best people who always think for child's welfare. 3. One day Lord Ganesha had a heavy meal  on the eve of his birthday and finds difficult to walk even. Moon whose place is Lord Shiva's head watches Ganesha while he is on a stroll and finds funny therefore starts laughing to the core. Ganesha feels insulted and complaints his mom about this whole episode happened with moon; then immediately she curses him but later gives a relaxation. Learning point: While you are sympathizing with your child or showing empathy towards him/ her that is a wonderful gesture and every parent should do it but not at the cause of public inconvenience. When child is pampered by you, never forget that you are also making a citizen of the country and so be a parent possessing social responsibility. Festivals are part of our life and they are made just to remind us the way we are supposed to be. When we understand the inner goal of this whole celebration they become much more meaningful. Happy Ganesh Chaturthi!!!! _Bhavana

Timely call

  Timely call   Its so important to take a call at the right time....In parenting there are so many challenges that are time bound. Challenges which create a make or break situations. In such cases we should try to avoid time lapse. because in such situations keeping up with time plays a major role. While the problem itself is a big issue the people around with lot of suggestions will become bigger than it. To face them we some times act hastily. Which will affect their mental growth. Here is the time we should take a call on our own terms. Be it a toddler or a teenager if they have a behavioral issue we should not say" its ok time will change them" cause some times instead of changing for good they may go worse. This issue needs your immediate attention.Then you should realize that "its time to take a call to act immediately " But all problems with kids are not the same all the time. So in contrary to this there will be other problems which need time and patience behind them. There you need to "take a call to wait" If i need to give an example for these child beating other children or getting beaten up can be put in 1st scenario and child not able to concentrate on studies can be put in 2nd. Now that you know when and how to take a call you should also know the related consequence of both of them. The 1st scenario has an instant solution with you taking a call and acting upon, but what happens when u take call to wait? What are we expected to do in that waiting time. This waiting time should be used to search ways and means to address the issue in the right method. As we seen in example if the child is not able to concentrate is it because of eye prob, or any health issue or general dis interest towards studies. then act upon it to get a solution. Last but not the least in Parenting nothing is according to rule, we need to change the rule accordingly.. Happy Parenting..!! Bhavana

Be Your Child's Strength

Be Your Child's Strength Recently, I met one of my friends who is a doctor by profession and works on Women and child health with loads of passion. While talking to her on kids making fuss about food, she said we have to always establish eye to eye contact with kids and talk to them with the same seriousness as we talk to elders. Not only while eating, but children would love to be treated as elders and eventually they feel “sense o responsibility” if we do so, my doctor friend added. Here are few tips for parents while bringing up kids of six to nine years old: * Talk with your child about respecting others. Encourage them to help people in need. * Help your child set her own achievable goal; this will be good learning and helps to take pride in himself/herself and rely less on approval or reward from others. * Help your child to develop patience while being among elders or of their age. * Do fun things together as a family, such as playing games, reading, and going to events in your community. *  Get involved with your child’s school. Meet the teachers and staff and get to understand their learning goals and how you and the school can work together to help your child do well. *  Continue reading to your child. As your child learns to read, take turns reading to each other. This will be a fun time and bonding act between parents and child. *  Use discipline to guide and protect your child, rather than punishment. *  Praise your child for good behavior. * Encourage your child to join school and community groups, such as a team sports, or to take advantage of volunteer opportunities. This will enhance interpersonal skills in child right from this age. *  Above all, be supportive, extend your shoulder when required. Be their strength. Happy parenting!! Bhavana  

Comparison Can Be Harmful

Comparison Can Be Harmful parenting happens in real time, on the spot, and in the moment. However we discuss on the parenting patterns, its only a practical experience and need to be lived by every parent individually. When, we are recognizing those moments of parenting, when your actions and reactions can help your child learn and grow in the best possible ways and so as for parents. When you become a parent for the second time, you would impose your earlier expertise and experience with the second child as well. But, point to be remembered here is every child is unique and parents should understand this basic thing and act accordingly. Be very careful when parenting two kids. Don't compare and never label them. Babies develop so rapidly that one set of abilities is bound to develop faster than another," say experts. So never expect your child to be like the neighbour's. That will put pressure on you and you will miss the original beauty of your child while growing. Among siblings, comparisons can lead to labels. "Our little scholar," you might say of your book-obsessed toddler, or "our wild child," of his energetic sibling. Even labels meant to praise your children's differing abilities can be problematic. Siblings sometimes feel that if one brother "owns" the athlete label, the other brother isn't even going to try, for fear of falling short. And that "picky eater" label may fuel the very behavior you'd like to discourage. Sure, there'll be times when you'll find yourself describing your child's likes and dislikes. But when you do so, "reframe" your words, say experts. Try to use words like energetic instead of using "wild", and , "spirited" instead of "hyper", and "careful" in the place of "shy", the add. Comparison can kill the natural skill in children; while striving to bring both on the same ground, parents also will miss the actual talents which every child brings along.So, watch your words and actions keenly before you act.Happy parenting!! - Bhavana

Line Of Discipline

Line Of Discipline One fine day, my friend Sneha came to me complaining about her inefficiency in inculcating discipline in her two kids. Having her parent in laws is one major reason as they always interfere in between mother and kids, so children started taking advantage of this situation, so play accordingly. This is a typical scenario in joint families, but in most of cases, disciplining kids has become a tough task, even though theirs is nuclear families. Here are few steps, to instil discipline in children: * Try to fix time on a regular basis to do something fun with your child. *  Never ever disagree about discipline in front of the children. *  Never give an order, request, or command without being able to enforce it at the time. *  Agree on what behavior is desirable and not desirable; and also agree on how to respond to undesirable behavior. *  Make it very clear on what the child is to expect if he or she performs the undesirable behavior. Be specific on things which are deviating from the set norms. *  Once you have stated your position and the child attacks that position, do not keep defending yourself. Just restate the position once more and then stop responding to the attacks. *  Look for gradual changes in behavior. Don’t expect too much. Acknowledge when you see development in child’s behavior. * Most important point to be remembered is that, your behavior serves as a model for your children’s behavior. *  If, one of you is disciplining a child and the other enters the room, then also refraining from the argument in progress is must. *  Discipline won't come overnight; it requires constant effort with patience. If you understand this secret, your journey becomes easy. - Bhavana  

Other Side Of Expectations

Other Side Of Expectations   “If someone is feeling more heavy than they actually are, it could be due to the burden they are carrying based on xpectations. And of course, children are not exempted from this”- say experts. In an interview of Sachin Tendulkar after his hundredth ton, he had said that although he never played for milestones, the way that eluded him coupled with speculations and expectations of an entire nation got to him at some level (for I too am human, he said), so that when it eventually happened, the relief he felt was far greater than the excitement of the achievement. But why he alone? They are so many kids who are suffering from such baggage of expectations from parents and society. When a child starts taking his/her first meal mother tries to increase the quantity, variety of food and throws challenge on child in the name of increasing appetite. From there, it goes to their studies. When kids score 70% , then bar will be raised to 80% and it goes on up to cent percent. But in this process, parents put so much of pressure on kids, in result kids don't get to enjoy their journey towards success, just because of the burden they have of achieving the GOAL. Referring to our parenting patterns, I heard a guru saying “ don't break a child to create a child”. How true.. We always run behind an imaginary picture of child we have created for ourselves and forget to recognize or feel proud the way they actually are. Have you ever seen any child who scores 55% to 60% is asked to raise himself to 90%?? No. Right? This is just because, you know that you can't get the result from them in the way you want. In other words, children who perform, are forced to carry this baggage of expectations. Because, we have developed a belief system in such a way that, kids will perform when you put pressure on them. Of course, we have given beautiful names to this process for our convenience like coaching, training etc. But according to psychologists, kids who are underdogs(so called), are very lucky; they get to be very creative, they explore themselves in the way they want and widen their opportunities. This always brings out the best in children..And remember, no one will be remained underdog for long. When there are no expectations, no stress on their mind then they will raise for sure and sky will be limit. But if you want to raise the bar of your expectations, kids will undergo too much of stress to achieve that set target and will be disappointed a lot if they fail to deliver the results as expected. Nevertheless, you can make them upgrade, perform under pressure more and more in studies, co curricular activities or in jobs in future but when comes to relationships, you can't . If more is expected from people who do, then there is no saturation point for them. Bar of expectations will be raised higher and higher and it might become burden for them, eventually, that bond won't lasts for long...instead, try to be contended on what others can offer. Let them be your kids .. Learn to respect their capacity and limit your expectations. -Bhavana

Are you Ready

Are you Ready?? You remember those olden days when, we were busy in schooling, studies, coaching and exams? When we looked at people who were working by then, we used to look at them with lot admiration and envy at times, as they have no exam pressure above all have their own earnings.. We literally used to wait to become “big”. But, when we actually grew big, we want to go back to our golden olden days and want our childhood back. Cause, we now know that, this promotion of growing big has a responsibility attached to it. Indeed, every elevation in life, right from being a student, employee, becoming life partner to someone, entering in to parenthood and so on will bring a responsibility along with it. Among the stated above, promotion of a “parent” is little more challenging where in you have to not only up bring your child but have to construct next generation, which is a social responsibility as well. According to a recent survey, most of the couple are earning good, financially strong now, yet weak emotionally. When any couple can't handle their emotional ups and downs, will they be able to take up responsibility of a child? Answer is “yes” and “no”. As we all know that, there is no specific formula of raising kids. It differs from child to child. What works for your first child in the family, may not be workable for your fifth child; irrespective of your experience, concern here will be uniqueness of each kid. Are you ready for taking up such responsibility of understanding your child and raise them accordingly? An infant touching your life is an amazing experience. It calls for more celebrations, followed by so much of joy and happiness. This is only visible to the outside world, but where in actual package is different like, foregoing your sleep, physical and psychological stress and work pressures will become part of your routine. Are you still ready to accept this responsibility of parenting? If your answer is yes, then you have so many hospitals and counseling centers, who are creating awareness in would be parents and preparing them for child birth. But if any couple is not ready yet, due to various reasons, then never push them in to role of parents. Because, on this screen called life, we have to play so many roles and need to justify. When we are able to give our hundred percent then only its worth; perhaps, raising a child demands two hundred percent of yours. So, when you are ready to give this, your “bundle of joy”, actually brings happiness in your new elevated role of parents. When you aim for a promotion, remember that, it comes with greater and greater responsibility. Are you ready?? - Bhavana