If you are a male reading this, can you imagine your life without a women's tenderness in your life, as a mother, sister, wife, daughter or just as a loving friend? Of course, you don't have to be a male to appreciate it. Women are amazing source of love and tenderness. On this women's day, let us celebrate women's presence in our world by just saying heartfelt thanks to at least one of the women in our lives, the more the better. We often say, a woman takes the place of divine to make us experience love, compassion and tenderness. In fact, I can let you into a cosmic secret. Divine presence is nothing but an infinite and all encompassing tenderness, definitely a feminine principle.

 

I have seen many lives disrupted by premature death of one of parents. But what I noticed most is, a mother can take up the role of the provider and still be source of tenderness for her child. But most single fathers find it difficult to play the role of mother even if they try their best, they struggle to fill that gap in love and affection a female can provide for children. I am not downplaying father's love but I just mean to convey how love and nurturing flow naturally from a women, a divine built-in mechanism to nurture this world. Don't you find that true?

 

 

Being a source of love and nurturing for others is one thing but loving and nurturing yourself is a completely different ball game. Many, many female clients I see daily fail to do this. Even the best of mothers never take time to attend to their own needs. This women's day, I would like to emphasize again and again how important it is for a women to nurture herself. Unless you feel loved and nurtured, you cannot fully provide that for others. Even if you do, you just drain yourself in the process and end up not being able to be a source of love for others. I often ask my clients, can you fill other glasses from an empty glass? So let us see a few pointers how you can do this!

 

Know yourself. Many of us feel unloved or uncared for, sometime or other during our lives. If I have to summarise all the cases I have dealt with, the only emotional reason for any illness is lack of love. Whatever else we speak of, it boils down to feeling of not being loved or being rejected in life. But honestly, do you really know what exactly makes you feel loved and cared for? Most of us don't know. I ask you to spend time to reflect, 'what makes me feel loved and cared for?' Trust me, each of us have a different idea about it. Unless you know what makes you feel cared, loved and nurtured, how can you get that from others or even how can you give it to yourself. There is no point feeling bad about it or manifesting illness when you do not even have a clue what your pain is all about. First know what feeling loved means to you, then express it in an honest, open and loving way to your loved ones, then give them a chance to do it for you. It helps to do it yourself for them, it is like setting an example. Sometimes you need to use both words and actions to demonstrate what you expect from others. Or even when they care for you, they will have their own idea of love and care and it may not match with what you look for.  More importantly, you will know how to give yourself that feeling. Why not? Be your own cheerleader, that's the secret of peace and happiness.

 

Don't ignore your pain. Give yourself time to attend to your hurt. As a mother, a wife or a sister, you often provide crying shoulder for other's pain. Give exactly same amount of support to your own emotional pain. Like a tigress licking her wounds, take time to spend time with your hurt. If you give loving attention to what you feel in any situation, you will not allow it to pile up into a major trauma in life. Spend just a few minutes every night to extend your love and attention to any hurtful situation or event you faced that day. 'How does it make me feel?' It is that simple. It also helps to have a support mechanism, a sister, a friend, mother, or someone who can listen to your pain without judgement of you or other person. You do not have to make yourself or the other person wrong, you just need to acknowledge I feel pained by this situation. More importantly, be your own support mechanism. It is part of nurturing self.

 

 

Extend your loyalty to yourself. Women's loyalty amazes me. Honestly, I witness this aspect of females so much in my line of profession. So many women come to me with emotional issues but their loyalty to their loved ones is amazing. I have an extreme example to narrate. We had a maid for cleaning our premises, she was quiet but cheerful lady. One day she asked me if I can help her like I help others in office. She told me she had some issues with her husband, he abused her physically sometimes. I wanted to support her to stand up for herself, so started explaining her how to protect herself. Immediately, she jumped to say he is a good man, just beats her when drunk, which is not that often anyway. Really, I was taken aback at that look of loyalty and affection for her abusive husband. Many would take it as ignorance, for me it’s a woman's forbearance, for good or evil, they are very loyal. I would say, extend same amount of loyalty to yourself. Commit to be with yourself no matter what happens, just the way you play this role for your husband, child or any other. If you notice closer, you make yourself wrong more times than find fault with others. You don't need to, just stand by yourself as your own champion. There is nothing wrong to fix in you, or fill a gap in you or make better about you. You are perfection itself. Once you do this, you will never find fault with others, you will be understanding and compassionate. Try it.

 

Love yourself. It is easy to say this but what does it mean really? If you are from corporate world, you must have seen 'pat on back' awards. Give a pat on your own back, appreciate yourself. How many things do you appreciate in yourself? Have you ever thought about what you really appreciate in yourself? If not, make a list of them. Not just for one day. Every night or at least weekly once, make a list of things you can appreciate in yourself in that day or week. Make another list, what did you make yourself wrong for, in that day or week. Make it a priority to accept yourself for that without judgement. Give yourself a nice, big hug for each item on each of the lists. Love is nothing but unconditional acceptance and appreciation of who we are.

 

There are many more things you can do, to care and nurture yourself, but this is a good start, if you really follow sincerely. What I tell my clients is, commit to just one practice and stick to it, you will start enjoying it. Obviously, it is not just for women, but definitely women may find it easier to do these than men.

 

Because, if you notice, all women do all of the above things for others already. I just ask women to extend it to themselves. I should say caring and nurturing self is honoring the feminine principle in this universe. So on this women's day, let us

 

honor and celebrate it by committing to self-care and nurturing.

Ramakrishna Maguluri
Engaging with life
ELAI
engagingwithlife@yahoo.com