Rating:             Avg Rating:       512 Ratings (Avg 19.2)

Top Funny Jokes of 2012

Top Funny Jokes of 2012

* Water My friend was working at an amusement park when a couple stopped him. “Excuse me,” said the woman, pointing to a pond. “What is that water made out of?” Bemused, my friend replied, “Two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen.” “See?” she said to her boyfriend. “I told you it wasn’t real.”

* Serious Infection My helicopter crew landed on a frigate in order to evacuate a sick sailor who, we later learned, was suffering from a skin infection called cellulitis. When we arrived, we asked a crewman what was wrong. Pointing to the stricken sailor, he said, “She has cellulite.”

* The Right Diagnosis A man tells his doctor that he’s incapable of doing all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination is over, he says, “Okay, Doctor. In plain English—what’s wrong with me?” “Well, in plain English,” says the doctor, “you’re just lazy.” The man nods. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”

*Lost Dog An old farmer is inconsolable after his dog goes missing. His wife suggests he take out an ad in the newspaper, which he does. But two weeks later, there’s still no sign of the mutt. “What did you write in the ad?” his wife asks. “ ‘Here, boy,’ ” he replies. -- Denise Stewart

* A Believer When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with the Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face …