3.A Commitment to sexuality :-
In plain language, this means accepting yourself as a sensual being who enjoys giving and receiving pleasure. Convey to your husband that you are truly interested in sex. Many men say their wives are “lukewarm'' or “too inhibited'' about lovemaking. Being truly interested means completely enjoying your own natural, healthy sexuality. For one woman this might mean allowing herself to recognize her impulses for lovemaking instead of subduing them or feeling guilty. For another it might mean summoning the courage to discuss sexual problems in the marriage or allowing herself to explore sexual fantasies with her husband. I've come to believe that some women are born with “the golden touch''. They have an intuitive understanding of sensuality: how and when to touch and move. Those not born with it can learn to develop their own sensibilities to give and receive pleasure. Think about cooking for a minute: without looking at a book, the “born'' cook instinctively knows how to put a meal together. Others have to follow receipes and measure out all the ingredients carefully. Both methods work. What I'm saying is that you can learn to be sensual and convey what you want and need. And this brings us to ...
4. Communication :-
Perhaps the most important tool we have in sustaining a relation- ship is communication-a much more overused but critically important word. “You can heve a 'nice' marriage where there are no conflicts,'' says a sage marriage councellor, “but a good marriage is one on which problems are faced, discussed and dealt with.'' If your can express what you really need and want without fear or shame, your desires are often met with surprising quickness. When fears of failure or rejection are expressed openly, they lose their power to hurt.
“I am afraid you'll leave me if I say what I really want'' or “I feel vulnerable and exposed when I do that'' are surprisingly often countered with “I didn't know you felt that way'' Unless you tell your husband how you feel and what you want, how is he to know? One of the greatest problems between two people lies in the assumption that the partner should automatically sense what you want or don't want. Almost nothing could be further from the truth. Countless naunces of physical and emotional feeling occur when you make love. You can becomes sensitive to these changes by carefully reading your husband's physical responses and by revealing your own reactions to various touches and movements. Simple pharses that begin with “I like that'' or “I feels so good when'' give your husband a clear idea of what you want.
5. Overcoming fear :-
For many of us, fear is a well-known bedfellow, and it is fears, according to sexual researchers and therapists, that are some of the greatest impediments to lovemaking. Most men would be surprised to know hou many women are embarrassed about their bodies. We worry about our waists, thighs and almost everything else. In short, one of the strongest sexual fears among women is the fear of not being desirable enough.
Many couples make love with the lights off because they're anxious about how they look. We all appreciate perfectly beautiful faces and bodies, but it should be obvious that most of us have to live with our imperfect selves. Feeling comfortable with your own body is simply a prerequisite to feeling comfortable with someone else's. Many women also worry that if they take the initiative in lovemaking, their husbands will consider tham too aggressive, not feminine enough. They are concerned that the man will perceive this as a direct hit on a traditionally masculine role-being the dominant force in a sexual relationship.
But most men I interviewed told me that they prefer their wives to take the initiative some of the time. “Some'' is the key word. A wife who says, “I feel seducing you tonight'' is far likelier to get a warm reception than the one who demands action. You may be tempted to say, “But I know these things''. It's true that much of what's here is just plain, ordinary common sense; yet when was the last time you brought your husband breakfast in bed? When was the last time you read a book together? When was the last time you talked late into the night? If there's one message that comes through from couples who have made something very sepcial of their lives together, it's this : set aside the time to understand each other and talk about the things that make your relationship work-and then do them.