When Merle turned 35, she and her husband went away together for two nights. “We had terrific time!'' she recalled. “I didn't want it to be over. But you know, you always pay for it in the end'' “What do you mean?'' I asked. “Well, you end up feeling guilty because you had so much fun away from the kids'' she replied. Merle, like many other parents today, carries around with her an unrealistic sense of parential duty thant can put a damper on a potentially enjoyable evening.
For some couples, it prevents them from going out together, except to attend weddings, funerals or school meetings. But to maintain romance an intimacy in your relationship, it is crucial that you set aside time to have fun together and not sabotage the occasion with guilt. Not long after the honeymoon is over, and even more so after the kids are born, we fall into a rut of unrealistic expectations, assuming our spouses can read our minds to discover what we really wand and need. When they don't we're disappointed and assume the zest has gone out of our marriage. Real life is not a romantic fairy tale. The baby cries a lot. There are bills to pay and washing to do. No one can be Prince or Princess Charming all the time but you can create an environment that is conducive to romance, and bring out the lover in your lover. We all have faults. So stop blaming your spouse for what he is or is not, what she does or does not do. A happy marriage and sex life are possible. But it takes some courage – to admit when you're wrong, to break down walls that seperate you, to tell your spouse what you really want and need.
Erotic Fantasy :-
One friend of mine felt her marriage was in the doldrums. I asked her, “If you could have a perfect romantic evening, what would it be?'' “I'd send the children to my mother's house and greet my husband at the door wearing something sexy,'' she began. “We'd sit by a cozy fire, then have an intimate dinner. Eventually we'd stroll to the bedroom, give each other a massage and make wonderful love'' “That sounds terrific,'' I told her. “Have you set a date?'' “Are you kidding?'' she replied. “He would think I'd gone crazy. We've been just 'Mum' and 'Dad' for so long'' It took her several days to get up courage to tell her husband about her fantasy.
Once she did, she was surprised at how receptive he was. After couples have been married for a while, spouses often get the notion that the hunt is over. They stop trying to make themselves attractive and stimulating. “I never assume that I've caught mu man'' relates a mother of five. “There are so many temptations that I never let got of my efforts to be appealing for my husband.
Terrific Antidote :-
“We talk about when we were younger and some of the risks we've taken, like going rafting down a river and making love on the river bank'' recalls mother of two little boys. “That kind of reminiscing sets up for an exciting evening'' Another mother with five children, aged nine to 21, told me, “One night my husband and I were both exhausted. He got into bed before I did. Later I flopped down next to him fully clothed,
He sat up, startled, and asked “Aren't you going to take off your clother?'' “No,'' I said. “That's your job.'' Her little gimmick generated quite a spark between two tired people. Create a fun evening for yourselvfes in such a way that you become a couple again. One twosome I know studies the wine list and discusses selections they have and haven't tried. My husband and I always start with a toast to our love for each other – and to successfully getting out of the house. Parents need to allow themselves time to have fun – to laugh and enjoy themselves. Feeling and being sexy, creating romantic moments can be a terrific antidote for restlessness and discontent. When couples make the effort to generate enthusiasm in their relationship, they build a powerfully intimate connection, one that invigorates a mature love with a young romantic love.